


Half the time you need me..

by mattypattun



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: ? - Freeform, Cop AU, Damn i hate tagging, Drabbles, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Izaya having different jobs, Izaya's a jerk, M/M, Matchmaker AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Sexual Tension, Shizuo is a virgin, Shizuo is too calm to be Shizuo, Stripper AU, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Unresolved Sexual Tension, job au, matchmaker Izaya, more like lap dancer AU, welp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattypattun/pseuds/mattypattun
Summary: "Long time no see, Shizu-Chan," he grinned. "Guess what- I'm a cop now!"Izaya Orihara is looking for a job in this big, big city





	1. ... I'm not there for you

_"Nine nine one, officer Orihara Izaya here. How can I help you?"_

_"There- There's this blonde guy! He-" a loud, disgusting cough, "He's beating everyone up! And he throws things around too!"_

_"I see. Where exactly is said man."_

_"Ninth street number.. I don't know. It's next to a sushi bar!"_

_"I see. I'll be there as soon as I can"_

_Click._

 

* * *   
"IZAYAAAAAAA!! What are you doing here?! Didn't I tell you to stay out of 'Bokuro?"

"No can do, my dear beast. I'm afraid I like messing with you too much~", Izaya sing-songed and ran the other direction towards a big grey building.

With a growl Shizuo ran after him

"Wait up, flea!"

A crazy laugh was all he got in response.

 

Shizuo had to make a sudden halt when Izaya stopped in front of the building and turned around. 

"Sag cheese," the raven haired chirped and took a picture of the startled bodyguard.

Seconds later, when Shizuo had recovered from the shock, he took the time to actually look around. 

And then he saw it.  
In bright and blue letters, POLICE DEPARTMENT was written beside the door. 

Izaya seemed to enjoy this victory and celebrated it with jumping up and low maniacally. 

"Long time no see, Shizu-Chan," he grinned. "Guess what- I'm a cop now!"

"Wh-" Shizuo was just about to snap, but he got interrupted by eight to ten police officers, all of then pointing loaded guns at him.

"DON'T MOVE! GET ON YOUR KNEES AND RAISE YOUR ARMS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!," it screeched from a megaphone. 

Meanwhile the newfound cop cackled with laughter. 

 

Shizuo was too dumbstruck to fight against the cops- not that he would've stood a chance against ten bullets smashing his brain.

He couldn't help but ask nonetheless:

"Why the heck are _you_ a cop anyway?! You worked for the Yakuza when you were in highschool! How can they not know thi-"

Izaya just smirked. "You have the right to keep your mouth shut, so please do us all a favor and actually make use of it."


	2. ..You'll beg me to stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But remember: You can't touch."
> 
> Job: Stripper.

"A strip club?! Wh- Guys, you both know I'm-.. I-.." The flustered and overall embarrassed teen yelped. Or mumbled, rather, since his Kadota and Shinra were only to understand half of it. 

"But its your eighteenth! You have to do something fun," Shinra insisted. "I already begged Celty to let me go with you guys, you can't leave me hanging now."

The blonde grumbled annoyed before shooting a pleading look at Kadota. 

Said boy just chuckled. "Don't look at me like that. I have to agree with this mad scientist here. You'll have fun." 

He sighed defeated.  
If even Kadota thought it'd be a good idea to go, then it couldn't be that bad, right..?

 

* * *  
'God damnit!'  
In the end they walked to 'Bokuro's Best'. Weird name and even weirder staff.  
Shizuo hated it there. He really shouldn't have listened to Kadota. 

Being here wouldn't even be _that_ bad if it wasn't for Shinra giggling nonstop and Kadota just disappearing in the crowd, a bunch of girls beside him. 

'Shit.. Might as well look around', he decided and started strolling through the building. 

After a few minutes he found himself in front of a black door.

Pushing the door open with too much force, he didn't bother reading the sign.  
_A small couch. Huh. Wonder what that's for_

He twirled around at the sound of the door creaking.  
A boy, probably around his age, stood in front of him. He had black hair and wore black pants and a black shirt. If it wasn't for his Cheshire cat-like grin he would've looked very emo. 

 

"Who the heck are you?," Shizuo demanded to know.  
The smirk of the boy widened even more and suddenly the room felt really small and really warm.

 

"Call me Nakura~"

"And what exactly are you doing he- wait, I don't even want to know. You're probably looking for some dancer. I don't work here, so could you please leave?" Despite his polite words he growled unfriendly. 

"I figured you don't work here. I would know a coworker, wouldn't I?" 

Shizuo startled.  
"Wh- What are you implying?!" Yeah, its was definitely too warm in here.

"I'm a dancer." 

Ooookay.. That was rather straight forward. Or maybe that was because he was so innocent he couldn't even think about sex-things without blushing furiously.  
(Hey,at least his parents raised him well!)

He scratched the back of his neck, somehow nervous to tell the guy he wasn't here voluntarily and therefore not looking for someone to strip in front of him. 

He was was just about to tell him so, when the raven haired interrupted

"No need to say something. Your friends already paid for a dance," he winked. 

"You're lying! They don't know that I'm into guys, you sneaky bastard"

"Telling the truth, that's what I'm doing. Believe it, or not- they paid for it and I'm going to do my job."

 

Without asking for permission he pushed the blonde towards the couch and got on his lap.

Then, he leaned in and whispered alluringly,

_"But remember- you can't touch."_

With that he began rolling his hips just slightly above the blondes lap. Their crotches were so close, they were almost brushing against each other and he could feel himself getting stiff.  
His eyes closed, he breathed in the other male's scent. Vanilla and dust among other things, he noted. 

Their clothes rustled lowly when 'Nakura' picked up his pace. He quickened, then slowed down and brought more depth into his movements, then quickened again, almost desperately. The motions were just like sex (not that he would know, since he still had his V card, but it was just like he _imagined_ sex was) but he never once got closer to Shizuo than needed. 

It frustrated him and aroused him even more, at the same time. His fingers itched with the need to grab the dancer by his hips, press him down to his crotch and start grinding against him shamelessly...

 

With a thud the door banged open.

"Oh Izaya! How's it going?," they got greeted by an amused Kadota. Just like Shinra he didn't even try to hide it. Not one bit.

 _...what?_

"You guys know each other?!," he spluttered. 

"Well, yeah, he's in our philosophy class", Shinra replied matter-of-factly. "Did you really not notice him? He's always stalki―"

"ANYWAY!", the guy sitting in his lap yelped. If one was close enough his flustered expression wasn't that hidden anymore. He was truly beautiful with his alabaster skin and silky hair, and _damn_ if this guy couldn't lap dance like a pro.

After a few moments his brain processed position they were in. 

Quickly he stood up and made a show of bringing as much space between them as possible. 

"Wait.. So you're not actually working here?" He at least hoped he was right, this wasn't a place for young, innocent students to work at. Even if they were anything but. He just didn't want the flea (He mentally patted his own back fot the fitting nickname) to work at a strip club.  
Said insect started to laugh hysterically at his words. 

"Of course not, you stupid brute! Why would I want anyone to touch this godsend body with their gross hands?"

"Well, you did let me th-.."

"That was just to test if you're really that much of a monster, to jump at the chanc―"

Before the two teens could continue their bickering, Kadota interrupted them.  
"Guys.. Doesn't that mean we're in here without authorization?"

Right then they heard heavy steps approach the door. 

They all did the first thing that came to their mind:

Run. 

_Well.. Happy birthday Shizuo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next job: Street artist


	3. Draw me like one of your french girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job: Street artist

"Oh my! It looks amazing!, two young women giggled. 

They both wore short skirts and high heels. On a cold December day. Probably single and desperate to change that, he thought.

"Not as amazing as my model, though" he smiled, but his smile quickly faltered at a low grumble.

"God, like the cheesiest pickup line ever.."

Looking up he saw Shizuo, Celty and Simon standing next to the bench he was sitting on.  
Currently he was trying himself as a street artist( was that the right word?), sitting on a bench and drawing people, if they requested it. He actually was better, than he would've thought at first. Well, he was _the_ Orihara Izaya; of course he would be perfect. 

On one hand he badly wanted to retort something snarky, as long Simon was there he dared to, but, on the other hand.. He didn't want to drop his flirty image in front of the woman. 

"Don't worry about it. It's a present," he winked, when one woman, the blonde, was about to take out her wallet. 

The continued giggling and blushing as they walked away. 

"How are Izaya? You good?"" Simon questioned when Izaya made no move to say something else.

The raven haired smiled slightly. Good old Simon.. Leave it to him to lift the mood just by being present. 

"Yeah. I'm fine. Im trying out drawing. Am pretty good at it too, look!", he chirped, somehow relieved. 

Celty hesitated to get closer, but soon after Simon she, too walked closer towards him and his sketches to get a better view. 

She visibly startled. Turning over she hastily tipped something on her PDA. 

[That's really good! Shizuo you should let him draw you, too!]

Raising an eyebrow the ex bartender looked at the paintings of his enemy. 

"..It's not completely awful," he stated, not willing to compliment the raven haired ex-informant. "At least there's _one_ thing you don't suck at"

Simon and Celty flinched at his rather mean words. They knew that it was a sore point for Izaya and neither dared to ask him about his old job. 

Celty decided that it was for the best if she interrupted the glaring. 

 

[Shizuo, listen. You know it's not easy for me, either. But...] She hugged herself, [Shinra would be so glad I you got along just once. Because its Christmas..?], she tried to convince him. 

That was always his week point. Disappointing others wasn't something he gladly did. Most of the time he just couldn't help himself. But was making Shinra happy really worth the effort..? 

He looked at all the people smiling and hugging and simply enjoying the Christmas season. He wanted that, too. Really did. But he gave up getting along with Izaya years ago. He tried at least, but- hope wasn't easy to destroy.

"Okay," he mumbled and turned away so his friends wouldn't be able to see the embarrassed blush that crept on his face. 

 

"And why would _I_ do this? Shizu-Chan doesn't deserve my hard work if he can't appreciate it like he should."

Shizuo stared at him with an unreadable look on his face.

"Oi, it's your job, right? I'll pay you. What much do you want for a painting?"

"Your heat on a silver platter," came the immediate answer. 

"I mean how much money, flea!", Shizuo growled, but Celty quickly geld him back. 

[Please, Shizuo. Don't let him mock you. You promised Simon to stay calm.] 

He sighed and let his shoulders sink back. "You're right. M sorry." He turned to the newfound artist. "Just tell me how much you want, you shitty insect." 

Izaya forced himself to laugh. He didn't like it when Celty did that. Calm him down with just one light touch on his shoulder. He couldn't decide why, but it was probably because it destroyed all his work to rile the blonde brute up.   
This was _his_ beast, and as such he _had_ to hate him forever and ever.

Suddenly he got an idea. A wonderful idea, actually.   
It would be the best Christmas present he ever made himself. 

"I think I changed my mind" he announced, grinning brightly. "I will draw you."

Shizuo wasn't the only one looking dumbfounded. 

He stuck his left hand out. "That makes 30 ¥, please!" 

Still unsure Shizuo reached into his back pocked and took out the a few bills. 

* * * 

"Have you finished it yet?!" The barkeeper asked impatiently for the third time in that minute.

Izaya sighed, annoyed. 

 

"You want the painting to look good, don't you? So stop being a childish brat and sit still for another minute." 

"But it's been half an hour already", Shizuo slightly whined. Somehow he liked the beast a lot better when he was like this, whiny, impatient and funny. It almost reminded him of a human, worthy to be adored and loved by him. 

But only almost. He wasn't like all the other people becoming all naive just because it was Christmas.  
He would never change, he was sure of it!

 

"I'm finished." He showed Celty and Simon the painting. 

When they all furiously began to snicker, even Celty!, Shizuo got suspicious.

"Hey, what's so funny!", he growled, because he already had a bad feeling. 

Said feeling only got confirmed, when his archenemy stop up and ran away.

Curiosity took over and looked at the painting before immediately smashing it to the ground.

 

"Izaya you dirty fucker! I knew I couldn't trust you!"

 

 

 

The next morning Kadota strolled through the west park, when he heard something crackle under his feet. _Huh.._ he thought. It was a childish sketch of a puppy. 'Merry Christmas Shizu-Chan! ♡' was written next to it.

_'These two idiots.. When will they ever get over each other..'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's December! Finally:))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job: Matchmaker 
> 
> Today, Izaya was walking around with a sketchpad around his neck, MATCHMAKER' being written on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not uploading any new chapters the last few day. I'll make up for it sometimes

Shizuo was struck dumb.   
He rubbed his eyes and stared at the park in front of him.   
Normally it would have been a beautiful and calming sight, the few trees decorated the asphalt and dirt of Ikebukuro; the water in the fountain pattered lowly. 

Today, though, was no such day.   
Today, Izaya was walking around with a sketchpad around his neck, MATCHMAKER' being written on it. 

Matchmaker.. What the actual hell? He knew Izaya Orihara wasn't one to sit around all day, just because he had nothing to do, but this was out of the ordinary. Even for someone like him. 

The bodyguard briefly wondered if Izaya had somehow wanted him to notice him.  
Remembering all those times they fought though, he shook his head, frowning.   
Izaya loathed him, he knew that much. Therefore it would make no sense-..

What was he even thinking? This was Orihara Izaya! Nothing made sense with him. 

He stepped closer. 

"Oi, flea! Softening, aren't we? Now you're even helping people finding their true love; I'm impressed," he couldn't help but tease. 

Even though neither of them would admit it, ever, they had an unspoken agreement. If one needed to release anger, the other one would always be there for a quick fight. So, mocking the insect without making a move to kill him wasn't as odd, as many people probably thought.   
He first needed his consent. 

 

"Oh, Shizu-Chan. Don't say that. I _always_ loved the human race. Be assured that I am by no means 'softening', though."

The blonde only rolled his eyes. "Right. So its matchmaker now? What happened to your last job?," he added. 

Izaya sighed dramatically. "Everything gets boring after a few days." 

 

"So you decided to do the one thing you don't know a thing about? You don't know shit about feelings," the blonde reasoned. 

"Shizu-Chan.. You're always underestimating me, it's disappointing, really! Just because _I_ don't love, doesn't mean I won't know when other people do. In fact, it's much easier the way I am to notice and analyse feelings." 

 

"Start, then. I wonder if you're as good as you claim to be." 

He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter.

"..with you?" 

"Yes."

Izaya laid a hand on his chin, as if thinking about it hardly.

"I believe you need someone, who isn't afraid of you. Who can handle you, no matter how angry you get. Who is just like you, awfully monstrous." Shizuo huffed at that comment but continued to listen nonetheless. 

"You're rather quiet, but you are was to rile up. I know you were always embarrassed by that. So, knowing you, I'd guess you'd want someone who can calm you down.

You've got a boring taste in people, you always like the ones who are pure and nice inside- but you're also afraid to hurt someone like that.. A hate-love relationship seems more likely, even though... What you really want is true love, don't you?"

It felt strange, realizing how well Izaya knew him truly. Really, really strange. 

"Your potential lover should be monstrously strong on the outside, yet craving for being understood and loved on the inside. They shouldn't be scared of you, but not completely unfazed by it, either. Maybe even appreciate it and think of it as an ability to defend and protect them."

Not really knowing what to do, Shizuo grumbled. 

"You know, for someone who thinks about my potential lover for the first time, you're surprisingly fast," he grinned. "Bet you spend all of your free time brainstorming 'bout that topic." 

Izaya let out an arrogant huff.   
"Only you would be stupid enough to actually believe that. Anyway, I think I know someone who suits you perfectly!" 

"And who is this mysterious person? You said that they should be strong and nice. Please tell me you're not thinking about Simon." 

He had been totally serious, after all, he wouldn't put it past the other male to trick him like that. What he didn't expect, was to witness Izaya bursting into tears with how much he was laughing, though. 

"Ahahahaha! You're truly the best, Shizu-Chan!"   
Holding his aching stomach, the smaller male fell on his knees. It didn't seem like he was going to calm down soon, so the now annoyed Shizuo barged in. 

"Yeah, yeah! Calm down, bastard. So. Who do you think is the person of my dreams?"

He roughly grabbed his wrist and yanked him upwards. 

Izaya grinned and walked closer, not letting go of his hand. Shizuo could feel his breath brushed his neck and he felt a shiver roll down his spine. His heart picked up pace while he held his breath in order not to miss a word of what Izaya would say. 

"Celty." 

...   
His mind didn't process what Izaya just said. Maybe he should ask him to repeat himself? Cause what he heard, 'Celty', definitely couldn't be the answer, right? 

"What?!," he said stupidly. 

"I said 'Celty'." 

_God damn, I'll kill him!.._

"You do know she's with Shinra." He didn't have to add a 'right?', because it wasn't really a question. 

Izaya began to laugh once again.   
"Well then, I guess you'll have to die alone~," he chirped. 

 

Growling Shizuo sped away. He didn't want to destroy anything, and he knew he would, would he Sta with Izaya any longer.

_Fuck.._

He felt the strong need to slam his own head against a wall.

And at the same time he could've laughed at his own idiocy.   
For a split second he had really expected him to name himself.

_..guess I'll actually die alone, ah? If not even that flea can put up with me._


	5. Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philosophy AU  
> Late night real talk with Shiyuo and Izaya!

Shizuo didn't remember how he got here.  
Here, being a park bench in the east gate. He stared at the people walking out of the train station, took a deep breath of fresh air.. The air smelled nice. Like a mix of vanilla and cinnamon. Due to tons of Christmas perfumes, maybe.  
Even though the whole city seemed to smell like Christmas, one particular disgusting scent made its may to Shizuo. 

Probably because the source of said scent sat right next to him. 

"Oi, Shizu-Chan. You done with ignoring me?"

Damn flea..

"Apparently," he sighed. He didn't even know what was wrong with him, but ever since December started, he found it easier to stay calm, even around this annoyance. _His_ annoyance.

Angrily, he ruffled through his hair. Damn Izaya for making him think this way. And damn him for falling for.. whatever this was. 

Izaya chuckled lightly.  
"So many people complain about Christmas being stressful. But if you don't have any friends you can lean back and watch them hurry trough shopping malls looking for presents, breaking down, hating themselves because they have no lover to spend the holidays with.. It's fun, really," he said to no one in particular. 

And, on a level he didn't want to question, Shizuo understood where Izaya came from. Last week had been tiring. Sitting here watching people being even more miserable, made him feel a lot better. 

"At times I have the feeling you are the one who understands me the best."

"At times?" The ex-informant laughed harshly. "That's too cute, Shizuo. Im the only one who will _ever_ understand you fully."

"What's with Celty and Shinra though, isn't he your friend?" 

Izaya paused to think about that.

"Nah." He shrugged. 

"Well, they're my friends. Still you don't see me rushing like these guys," the blonde insisted. 

Waiting for an answer, he looked at his enemy.  
Said man looked back. And grinned mockingly.

"Oh please, Shizu-Chan. You still think you're their friend?," he paused talking only to shake his head in faux disappointment. "You're too naive for this world! You don't have any friends, just accept it."

He frowned.  
"Why do you always try to make me feel bad? They are my friends; it's like you're jealous."

 

Izaya leant his head back and proceeded fishing snowflakes from the air. He looked too serious, even while doing something so childishly.

"Maybe I'm jealous because, whenever you talk about your friends, I'm not included."

 

Shizuo gulped. "Yeah, whatever, flea."

_Stop it. I mean it, stop beating so fast, you stupid heart!_

 

Izaya then smiled. It was creepy, really.  
"Ever heard of Kallikles?"

"Again with these psychological questions? One would think you already know the answer with how much you think about me." 

"It's philosophy, not psychology, Shizu-Chan. And don't flatter yourself; I do not spend my time thinking about you. I've got better things to do." 

"Like thinking about 'Calikes'?," Shizuo mocked jokingly. 

"It's 'Kallikles'. I take it you don't know him?"

"You just want me to say it, don't you?" Why was he even asking..

Izaya snickered. "You got me!" 

Rolling his eyes, Shizuo ironically begged, "No, I don't know who that fucker is. Please, oh great Orihara-sama, enlighten me."

"Orihara-sama, eh? I could get used to it. Let me tell you a few basics about _philosophy_ ー"

"Same, really"

"ーI was bored, so I joined a philosophy-course. I never expected it to be so amusing, since I already studied it. Humans are amazing!"

 

Shizuo startled. "You actually studied philosophy?!" 

The raven haired skeptically raised an eyebrow. "You don't know a thing about me, do you." 

He considered this. 

"Probably not."

"In short, he said that humans are either strong, or weak. Everyone is egoistic and everyone wants to Satisfy their needs. Doing that is the human nature. But not everyone is able to do just that. The weak humans who are envious tried and accomplished to trick the strong humans, because if they couldn't get what they want, they thought, nobody should. You know how they succeeded?"  
Moral principles. In his opinion they're all lies."

Silence.

 

"If he was right, that'd mean we could both do whatever we want. Because it's in our nature and everyone trying to stop us is just jealous of us." 

"Could? You already do whatever the fuck you want. And its completely fucked up anyway. You're crazy for believing that shit." 

"It's not what _I_ think, stupid. It's what Kallikles thought."

Shizuo hesitated. Fucking flea, always making everything complicated.  
"So.. You're being completely hypothetical?" he asked.

"Indeed. A hypothetical scenario in which it's totally legitimate to do whatever brings you satisfaction. Wouldn't that be great?" The fire in the philosophers eyes was pissing Shizuo off. 

"No, it wouldn't be great, coz I'd be hurting people."

"But they would do the same, if they were you. They want to make you feel guilty for being you, but you have no reason to be. Nature wanted you to destroy; why else would you be gifted with such an immense amount of strength? You're strong, and, as much as I hate to admit it, you're also human. You're above all those other people, and animals and living beingsー" 

Shizuo huffed in amusement. 

"That's the nicest thing you ever said to and/or about me. And the sad thing is, it's fucked up. I can't repeat that often enough actually, Iー"

"Don't you listen to me, or is your tiny brain not capable of saving information for more than two minutes? I was being hypothetic."

The bodyguard wanted to believe him. He wasn't that stupid, though. That was why he really, really _didn't_ believe him.

"So you're- excuse me _he_ , your oh so great philosopher, is saying that I could smash your disgusting face against a brick wall and everyone should applaud me, because I finally found my destiny."

He didn't bother hiding his sarcasm. He didn't care that he was talking uncharacteristically much-.. It was just... 

"You could try to, like you always do, but you wouldn't ever succeed," Izaya smirked. 

"Oh, and why is that?" 

"Becauseー," he left a dramatic pause. "ーI am resistent."

. . .  
Shizuo blinked.  
. . . 

"You're what now?," he blurted stupidly .

The raven haired sighed. "Of course you wouldn't understand it."

 

"I don't know what the hell you're thinking. You're too complicated."

 

"I think you forgot what you are, above all other humans. Your the literal _blonde beast_."  
He cackled with laughter at his own, stupid joke.

Shizuo chose to just ignore it; it was just too much to comprehend at the time.  
"Do you think about such weird things often?" 

"Of course I do. Sometimes, when I think about people for too long, I start wondering why we even exist.. It's goes like this: Deep, deeper, crazy. Doesn't it?" 

Shizuo huffed in amusement.

"Why are you laughing?," Izaya hissed.

"It's just that you make no sense at all"

"Only an idiot like you would laugh about their own idiocy. It's not surprising you're just a barkeeper."

"And how exactly did it help to be oh so intelligent? You may be rich, but you'll never be satisfied with what you do. It's why you're changing your job every week in the first place, isn't it? Nothing interests you for more than seven days."

"That's not true," Izaya frowned. "Shinra claims I've been 'obsessed' with you since highschool."

 _'And he's damn right'_ , Shizuo thought.

They fell in weirdly comfortable silence after their exchange. Never would he have thought that it could be possible for them to be around each other like this.

He still loathed Izaya, but.. He couldn't imagine living in a world without him either.  
Yes, he was a hypocrite, and he was well aware of it.  
All those years ago he used to pretend that it was, because he didn't like change.  
Maybe that was true, too.  
But Shizuo didn't like to think about why he wanted Izaya to stay alive.  
He simply did.  
He knew he was capable of killing his enemy. 

And that alone was enough of a reason for suppressing his inner blonde beast. 

 

"Hey, Izaya?"

"..Huh?"

"You lost all of your empathy.. It's what makes me more human than you'll ever be."

He stood up and left, but not without a strange feeling fluttering in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the supportive comments! :)Please feel free to correct me if something is wrong. Prompts, anyone??


	6. Touch me like you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JOB: Massager.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Taylor Wiley/ Tayla! Hope you're not disappointed and that you're still reading this. If you are: Was it the right amount of Izuo? Thank you for the job request and thanks to everyone who commented! It makes me really happy Σ(･ω･ﾉ)ﾉ！

"Never in hell would I let him touch me when I'm naked!"

"But Shizuo," Shinra argued. "At least you'll have a towel?"

Shizuo squinted his eyes. "Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" 

"This thing with your voice. It's like you're not sure, if I'll get a towel."

Shinra gulped and nervously scratched the back of his head. 

"No! I mean.. No?" 

Seeing Shizuo stomping towards him, Shinra let out a high squeal and sprinted away. 

"SHIINRAAA! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I BET YOU KNEW IZAYA WORKS HERE!"

"Nonononono! Please don't kill me-AAH," the brunet screeched when Shizuo finally reached him and lifting him into the air.

Yes. It was really happening. They were at a spa and he, Shizuo had been stupid enough not to suspect anything, when Shinra had asked him a week ago. Of course Izaya would work here. Of fucking course.

"Please!," the doctor tried again. "He's really good, I swear! I saw you talking at the park the other day. I know you don't hate each other!"

Shizuo let go.

"Izaya would never agree to massage me," he grumbled. 

In reply, Shinra grinned diabolically.  
"Let's see!"  
***

 

"I'm not doing it." 

"Why not?," Shinra whined.

"He called me a psycho!," Izaya hissed.

"Wh- I did not!," Shizuo defended himself.

"You implied it."

"Ah." He remembered the last time they talked.. If he remembered right, he had said something along _You lost all of your empathy,_ and _I'm more human than you'll ever be_.. No wonder he was still pissed.

"I- I'm sorry alright!," he growled. "Just do your damn job."

"Are you sure? You wouldn't even last that long," the black haired mocked, drawing a line from Shizuo's navel to the hem of his jeans.

"Wha-!" Immediately Shizuo slapped his hand away.

 

"What, you actually thought I was going to touch your dick?"

Flushing bright red, Shizuo yelped. "Not so loud! Somebody's gonna hear you!"

"Ah, still a virgin, I guess?," Izaya snickered. "Fine. I'll do it, but I have one condition."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow. 

"I'll tie you down to the bed."

"What the- .. Nevermind. Whatever let's you sleep at night. 

***  
There he was. Laying down nude, just with a towel around his hips in before Izaya.

He probably could've rip them apart easily but he didn't want to try just yet. If calling him a psycho hurt Izaya that much, maybe he deserved being tied up to a massage bed. And he was a man of pride. If he knew he did something wrong he stood up for it.

He didn't really want to hurt Izaya.  
All he wished for was to stay away from him. Though fate, or Shinra in his case, always seemed to bite him in the ass. 

 

It was going to be fine, he forced himself to think. Nothing's gonna happen. Nothing embarrassing (like popping a boner while his enemy was massaging him)

He managed to actually relax. That was, until oil dripped between his thighs.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!"

"Massaging you," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world  
"You really are slow, aren't you?"

"Piss off," Shizuo grumbled. "And keep your hands off my butt!"

"Oh?" Izaya appeared truly surprised. "So this isn't an intimate massage? I remember Shinra telling me to especially treat you there since you 'deserved it'."

He smirked, running his sloppy hands down his back.   
"So. Should I stop then?"

Shizuo was so going to rip these ties off now.

"Yes!"

The dark haired visibly pouted at being barked at. "You're no fun."

Another growl from Shizuo. 

"Listen, flea. I'll give you one last chance to actually massage me. I'll even pay you extra since I can imagine it must be hard for you."

The massager frowned irritated.   
"And why is that?"

Shizuo shrugged. "No amount of money would get me to touch you, but you have to do just that, so.."

He left the sentence hanging in the air. 

"Is that so," Izaya replied.  
Then he stepped closer, smiling threateningly bright. 

"Well then, lean back, Shizu-Chan. I assure you, I'll make you feel amazing."

***  
After that Izaya actually did his job. And he did it good.  
Feeling just the right amount of pressure on his back, the now relaxed bodyguard sighed and closed his eyes.  
From his position he couldn't see the flea anyway and he didn't care either. Izaya's hand were making him tired. 

Just when he was about to doze off, he felt a warm breath graze his butt. A sharp bite followed shortly after. 

"What the fuck?!", he screamed, jumping off the bed with little to no effort. (damn these ties)

 

He surprised himself, as well as the dark haired massager, when he did not stomp in his direction but in the direction Shinra was. 

 

***  
When he reached Shinra, the doctors eyes practically screamed 'oh shit I got caught!'

Shizuo stared right back. 'Damn right you did'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Izaya, but Shinra trolling?! Damn I'm creative! (not)  
> If anyone has an idea about how Izaya could troll someone (it doesn't have to be good old Cheesy-Chan) I'd be glad to read about it~♪
> 
>  
> 
> Edited! 12.12.17


	7. The judge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job: Therapist _Background story!_
> 
> Shizuo loosing his shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arigatou for this job idea, SpiralCreatorヾ(*´∀｀*)ﾉ

"I sentence you and a meeting with the new head therapist, Orihara Izaya-san."

 

"Are you for real?! Does anyone. _Anyone_ in this goddamn city even know who this bastard is?," he shouted.  
"Have you all lost your mind?! If anything, he'll mentally torture me! He'll manipulate you all! Fuck- he probably already did that! Otherwise I can't explain this amount of- of dumbness!" 

Words had never been Shizuo's thing. He rather rudely preferred to let his fists speak for themselves. But even then, he knew he couldn't just punch the judge. (Actually he could but he was a good guy. Most of the time) 

"Calm down, Nii-san. You didn't even give him a chance. You won't know if he can't help you. He _did_ study psychology, after all," His brother said monotonously and dragged him away from the judge. 

"Not you too, Kasuka! Does nobody in this fucking courtroom watch TV, or something? Please tell me this is just a bad dream.." 

At this point he wasn't even embarrassed to whine anymore, riled up and frustrated as he was. Plus, it wasn't like Kasuka didn't knew his childish self.

"I did give a chance," the blonde insisted. "I gave him a bunch of chances, and all he ever does is betray my trust, like the ass he is! I have no reason to believe that he could-, no, _would_ help me."

His younger brother stared at him blankly. Other people would probably think it was emotionless, but he liked to think he could see a bit of irritation in it. Reasoned, probably; it was far from likely for him to have solid points to not like Izaya. 

Maybe, if the last few weeks hadn't happened, he would've kept that attitude. Maybe he would've grumbled exhausted and irritated, and...

And he probably wouldn't have been caught punching a few scumbags, that just happened to be the sons of rich, _rich_ and mighty men.

_Fuck it all.._

He angrily lighted the nth cigarette that day, meanwhile completely forgetting about his brother. 

Strolling around, or rather stomping, he remembered what had happened. 

 

***

 

_Past Shizuo had been sitting on a park bench, like always. He didn't care about the snow. He didn't feel the cold much, anyways._

_"This fucker should simply shut his big mouth and die already! With this stupid jacket-, who even wears such things? I want to scratch my eyes out, really," he heard then._

_And, "Yeah totally! What a scumbag.. Doesn't this Heiwajima Shizuo guy always say he wants to kill him? Well, do us all a favor and get it over with already, I'd say! Ha!"_

_And, "Haha! You're right, bud._

_He stood up and got closer to understand better what they were talking about, even though he already had a feeling who it might be. (OK, who was he kidding, he knew damn well who they were talking about and somehow that made it even worse.)_

_"What did he do to you?," the blonde barkeeper growled, stepping up to them._

_Immediately all movement stopped. They unsurely looked at him._

_"Er..What?," one blurted out stupidly._

_"I said," he repeated an ounce too calmly, "what did Orihara Izaya do to you?"_

_"Wh-,.."  
The teens send each other questioning glances._

_"W-well!," one of them, the tallest, hurried to say. "He didn't exactly do anything to us, but-"_

_"Exactly," Shizuo interrupted. "He never did anything to you. If all you can complain about is his annoying face, then you should shut right up and mind your own damn business."_

_"What, you defending your enemy now?!"_

_"I'm not defending him. I just don't like fuckers like you, who pretend they know shit about someone, when they don't._ You _have no reason to shit-talk him; you most likely didn't even see him once in your life. If you have a problem with him, go and tell him that face to face, man to man, so you can see how strong you really are."_

_"Nonsense!," another guy shrieked.  
"He's a bad man. He manipulates other people in favor of his own twisted mind and he even works with people from the mafia! I have every right to hate him, just like you!"_

_"First of all: No one, and I repeat,_ no one _hates him like I do. Second: I didn't hear you bragging these things five minutes ago. All you yelled out was that you think his face is ugly and that you want to kill him."_

_The leader of the group dared to grin sufficiently.  
"But isn't that what you do all the time? Don't you agree that he needs to be taught a lesson?"_

_"Alright, that's it!"  
_

 

***

 

Agh..

Yeah, right.  
He had had no reason to get so angry over some highschoolers. They were all bark and no bite. And the worst thing was, they had a point..

And now that nasty ass judge forced him to pick up trash from the street and to-.. 

Maybe he could just pay them instead? Unlikely.  
Above that he was poor as fuck. 

Well.  
How do they say? Karma is a bitch.   
Being forced to a therapy session with Izaya as his therapist was his punishment for loosing his temper.

But just what should he tell him, why he did what he did. 

'I punched the shit out of some teens cause they insulted you, which is, by the way, like, my second favorite hobby, right after chasing you out of this city'?

He felt like a hypocrite.  
What reason _did_ he have?  
Was this like 'you can't insult him cause that's my thing', or rather like 'hey you 'lil shit can't insult him cause only I have the right to do that'?

..Wasn't that the exact same thing?

What the fuck. His thoughts didn't even make any sense anymore. 

He sighed, deciding to leave the psychological shit to the actual therapist.  
Orihara Izaya.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2   
> Job: Therapist (for real this time)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left you guys hanging! I know I totally broke my promise of posting EVERYDAY.. I suppose I can't write fast enough to keep that up. I hope you still enjoy this.

Yawning, Shizuo entered the clean and white room, that was the bureau of Izaya.

Said men was already sitting on a chair on the other side of the table. He looked up and met Shizuo's eyes.  
"Good morning, you must be Shizuo, right?" 

Shizuo frowned. What kind of a game was he playing?  
"You know me, bastard."

He got completely ignored by the therapist. 

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Orihara Izaya and we're going to talk about you for a little bit. But before that; would you mind answering this questionnaire?" 

"What on earth? We know each other, in case you forgot!"

The raven sighed dramatically. "This it's the first job I like so far and I intend on keeping it," he replied, as if that was answer enough and insistently pushed the questionnaire toward his blonde enemy.

"So you had other patients before?" He wondered briefly why he was surprised. It seemed logical, after all. He still ignored the questionnaire. 

Izaya raised an eyebrow expectantly. What that meant, Shizuo didn't know.

 

"We're not here to talk about me. Do you know why you have to meet me today?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow questionably. "Well, obviously. I beat up some rich kids and now I get punished for it."

The raven nodded and wrote something down. "And may I ask why you did that?"

"You may not." 

Izaya huffed, but shrugged short after.   
"Okay, let me ask another question. Do you think what you did was wrong?" 

Shizuo's eyes widened surprised, seeing as he wasn't expecting such a serious question.   
His instinct was it to say 'yes', but something stopped him from it. 

He inspected Izaya's face.   
It may be that he couldn't control himself at times, yet he was sure he would not act differently if he had the chance to. He lost control for a reason.

"I'd beat them up anytime again. They deserved it", he replied cryptically, not quite answering the question.

"But you complied with the judgement rather smoothly for someone with anger issues. I suppose you wouldn't do that if you believed that what you did was the right thing to do."

"Beating people in itself isn't right. But they deserved it and someone had to do it eventually. And I'm willing to pay the price, if it means teaching them a lesson.

Izaya bit his lip in order not to burst into laughter. After a few seconds he gave up.,

"If you _could_ pay the price you wouldn't be sitting here with me!" 

 

The bodyguard growled unfriendly. "What was that, 'bout taking this seriously?!" 

His therapist caught himself quickly. "Sory, sorry. Old habits die hard, you know?" He breathed in asked out.

"When you say they deserve it. What do you mean?"

"Still not answering."

Another defeated sigh. 

"Shizuo," he started. "If you want this to work, you'll have to work with me." 

Said man shrugged shortly. "Maybe I don't want it to work."   
He had a feeling that they weren't talking about the therapy anymore.

Izaya's expression was unreadable. Shizuo didn't know what to think. Until..

"Maybe it's better that way. I can't date my patients."

.   
.  
.  
"What?!," Shizuo bust out, once he processed the meaning of the ex-informants words.  
"Wh- What should _that_ mean?!"

A well known smirk crept into the younger males expression.  
"I don't know what you are talking about, Shizu-Chan. I simply stated that it'd be better for me not to be your therapist. After all, it could happen that I loose control and try and hurt you, who knows." 

He shrugged blatantly.

His enemy though was visibly pissed off.   
"I mean the thing after that!," he insisted.

"Oh, that?" He snickered shortly. "A simple information."   
He turned toward the door of his bureau.  
Then, "Can't hurt to know these things now, can it?"

"But what about the jud-" Izaya interrupted him quickly. 

"Don't worry about that, my beloved monster. Unlike you, I have the money to get things done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, but that's _intended_. I felt like these drabbles were getting a bit too long.. For everyone who commented until now: I'll get to your request. Please don't feel like I just ignore your wishes (*´Д｀) I'm just slow


	9. FILLER

Orihara Izaya, 23 years, extremely handsome, the mightiest man in Ikebukuro and, since last week doctor 

 

"Shizu-Chan! Did you already know I'm working as a doctor now? Did you ever think about getting a prostate massage? Well now's the ti-" 

He got cut short by a shocked blond.   
"Yeah _no_."

"But-" 

"I'm not going to discuss this. The answer is no."

When his favorite enemy ran away followed just as quickly.   
'Oh the irony', he snickered. 'Now I'm the one chasing him.'


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job: Flower shop owner (is that the name? Probably not)
> 
> Merry Christmas!

"It all began like this.."

* * *

Izaya had been bored recently. So bored, that, on Christmas day, buying a Flower-shop didn't seem like that much of a bad idea. 

After all, it was Christmas, and who didn't want to buy roses, or mistletoes on Christmas eve. 

Even when Shizuo walks by, it doesn't mane him mad.   
In fact, he's glad to see him, swing as he water for his archenemy all day long.

Though, Shizuo only briefly stops to look at the ex information broker and laugh.

Izaya stops him mid walking .

 

"look up," Izaya smiled sweetly.   
Too sweetly. 

Furrowing his brows, the blond does as he was told, already bracing for the worst.   
And the worst he got-  
An ugly piece of wood hung above the entrance. A little bit asymmetric, brown-grayish, or, in other words: A god. damn. _mistletoe._

Dumbstruck as he was, all he he was able to do was to look back and forth between his self-proclaimed enemy and the piece of wood hanging from above. Then, he looked to his right. 

Simon.   
_Simon._   
Since when stood Simon there?!

"I'll fucking kill you, Izayyaaaaa!!! Wh-stay the fuck away from me, Simon!"

* * *

 

"...And this is why our lovely Shizu-Chan is still hiding from Simon. Anymore questions?," Izaya asked, seated in front of a disturbed gangleader. 

"N-no..," Mikado gulped. "You've said enough. More than enough."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Street musician

There were days where Shizuo dearly wished he hadn't stood up at all, leave alone walk around with Erika to kill time.

Days like these, where Izaya embarrassed him without even talking. 

Yes, that was actually possible, and no, there was truly no talking involved.

Singing _was_

"I wanna see the stars with you ♪"

That damn flea had apparently decided to screeched a love song for the whole world to hear. 

(Okay, so maybe we was being a bit overdramatic and Izaya's singing voice sounded, surprisingly enough, good)

But the worst part wasー

"Shizu-Chan, I think I have feelings for you♪"

ーthe song was addressed to him. 

"But not really~ I don't want you like that 

Next to him Erika enthusiastically squealed and jumped up and down.  
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!! Isn't that cute, Shizu-Chan!?!"

He didn't even try to hide his disgust.  
"No!"

~OMAKE~

"I just wanna be your friend  
Hey Shizuo  
I wanna look into your eyes  
Like a friend  
And nothing else  
Because I think you're specialー"

"Aaaawww!"

At that Izaya abruptly stopped playing.  
"Aw?!" He didn't know if he wanted to laugh or vomit right there. Didn't he just explain that he wanted to be his friend and _only_ that?  
"You fangirls never stop, do you.."

But Erika didn't take offense on that . Instead she continued her happy-dance. "Nope!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't these up! The voice actor of Izaya (Johnny Yong Bosch) actually sang them *3*  
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V4_mEQS6rmQ


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hairdresser

"... This.. Actually looks good," Shizuo noticed stunned.

"You really think all I can do is troll, don't you?" 

"Wellー" " _Don't_ answer that, you blonde idiot!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting anything the past week (?) I'm just so stressed! School starts tomorrow and I'm going to another highschool where I don't know anyone and I have to out myself (is that even the correct term..?) agh. I hate this


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a lil talk

"What did you want to become when you were younger, Izaya?"

"When I was younger I wanted to become a doctor."

"Why the heck would you want to become a doctor. Don't they help people? That's not what you do."

"How rude. I do help people! They ask me questions; I answer."

Shizuo frowned. "Yeah, 'course. When you put it like _that_.."

"Oh? Is there another way to put it?"

"You're playing stupid mind games with innocent people! You wreck them and destroy their lifes!," he argued.

"But if my mind games are that stupid, then why do I success everytime, huh? And the people I play with are not innocent, far from it, actually. One by one; they all deserve the result they get as a punishment- even if it's just for being stupid enough to trust me."

Shizuo listened quietly. Sometimes, when Izaya was like this, it was hard to hate him. Sometimes he just pitied this lonely, crazy wreck of a human. 

Sometimes he wanted to defend this man, wanted to pretend that it wasn't his fault he became like he was now. But.. There was no one else to blame. Not his parents, not his school comrades- literally no one.

 

The truth was, Shizuo was too good for him.   
The truth was, Izaya deserved hell and more.   
Maybe that was, why he was always so scared of death? 

He remained silence. Then, 

"Why did you wanted to become a doctor?"

"Well, you see.. I wanted to force people to like me." 

"I don't see how these two things have anything to do with one another.."

"They would be at my mercy, wouldn't they? Because their wellbeing would depend on my work. So the logical reaction would be for them to be nice to me. Sadly no one was able to think about it enough to see that."

"Wh-that's because it doesn't make any sense! Who would think about it that way? It'd be your job to save people. _You'd_ have to be the nice one."

"But Shinra's a doctor, too, isn't he? He's not nice."

"That fucker is an exception. Normal doctors have to be nice. You'd just be the shittiest doc ever."

"Indeed," Izaya shrugged. "Well, whatever. After I realized people still don't like me I didn't want to be a doctor anymore. In fact, some told me I'd make a great therapist. I wouldn't say so. I like psychology, because I'm interested in people. I want to know why they do what they do. I want to know what they do in different situations. I want to be able to know what they're going to do, five minutes before they even know it themselves. I want to know _everything_ about the human race.. 

But I don't want to cure them.   
I want to control them." 

He looked up and smiled ruefully. "Not a way a therapist should think, right?"

"But you did it. You did work as one.."

The smaller male shrugged it off. "Simply to prove myself that I _could_ be useful if I wanted to."

"And-.. " The bodyguard left the question unspoken. They both knew what he wanted to ask. 

Izaya stood up, cleared his throat, all while looking pointedly at anything but him, and if Shizuo didn't know any better, he might have thought that his opponent was upset.

"I assume you already know the answer to that."

 

 

 

Shizuo never asked him about the neatly folded piece of paper that fell out of his coat pocket. He gave it back to him wordlessly and Izaya was thankful for that.

"The only way to remain loving life, is to commit suicide while I still do love it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about all the other job ideas! I'll get to it as soon as I can. Thank you all so much @3@

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again! This time with a few (a few lot) drabbles about Izaya. They all are different AU's on wich Izaya's got different jobs. I really like the idea of him looking for jobs while still acting totally Izaya-like ☆彡I'll try to upload something everyday, for one month. (Except Sundays) WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT MUAHHAHAH! I may be that I can't keep this promise, due to highschool stress.. But I'll try ! Next time: Stripper ;)
> 
> Ps: I don't know if police officers actually talk like this. I actually never talked to one- so please don't feel offended if this isn't formal enough or doesn't make sense at all. M just a smol fanboy


End file.
